fun with Texas DPS

I want a new Texas Drivers' license number. The reason is, because I return/exchange a lot of stuff at Wal-Mart without a receipt, and I'm coming up against their six-month-limit policy. We get a lot of gifts for the baby and most are useless compared to diapers and what not. So it's clear - I just need a new TDL.

after all, Bush got one for similarly spurious reasons:

Now why would George Dubya require a Texas driver's license with an entirely new number? It was obtained on March 31, 1995, as was his wife's Laura Welch Bush's. His wife and daughters didn't need new numbers, nor did his famous parents -- former president and first lady, George H. and Barbara Pierce Bush -- who all would seem to be at as much risk security-wise. And by the way, doesn't Texas require renewal of a driver's license every four years on one's birthday? Did George Dubya have something in his past to hide to cause him to purge the old record and number? This seems especially confusing since his birthday is July 6, 1946, but he obtained his new number on March 31, 1995 as a renewal.

Due to this little anomaly, we thought perhaps we should check to see if this was a common practice for former governors of Texas, but no, they were not listed among the first four numbers previous to Dubya's. Now, in all fairness to Dubya we must ask why he would get a new number and not just assume it was to hide something in his past life. And why would he be given the nine-digit DL number 000000005? His wife's DL number is 005295107.

also, while we are at it, I think I deserve to have a new legal birthdate. Currently, mine falls on Valentine's Day and I therefore get cheated out of gifts - my wife need only get me a single present. This sucks. Also, I would like to move my daughter's birthday from April 10th to the same date as my wife's, April 17th. This will greatly reduce the amount of stress that I bear as I approach my old age.

Again, I find a precedent for this action in the state of Texas:

Which brings us to another subject on Dubya. During our search for the truth about Dubya's past, we came across something very interesting indeed! Another George W. Bush, white male, blue eyes, brown hair, but born on Oct. 17, 1964! What called our attention to this person, since there are so many Bushes living in Texas, this person's record was deleted on Dec. 24, 1998. Could there possibly be a connection between this person and Dubya that we as voters as yet are not aware of and why was his record deleted?

Since my daughter was born in Texas and I paid the extra $25 for teh fancy embossed Texas State Map version of the certificate, I think I'm as well qualified as this unknown guy George W. Bush whose record was deleted in 1998.

Texas DPS has recently shown that it is indeed willing to modify and destroy records even today, not just 5 years ago, so I think I've got a good case here.